so it's been a while since I've gotten my hair cut, nothing new for me really, I went almost 10 years at one point without getting a cut, but that's beside the point...
the thing is, I hate getting my hair cut, what is a normal event for pretty much everyone is something that has always filled me with anxiety and fear. Sitting there, staring, or squinting since I can't see myself well in that mirror without my glasses, hoping and wishing that the hairdresser doesn't fuck up, doesn't make me look like a complete fool. Even now that I have a hairdresser that I trust and get along with well, I still procrastinate going to see her, she pretty much always does a decent job, I know it'll be OK in the end even if it needs a couple days to go out, yet each time I walk into the salon I'm cranky, pissy, like a little baby really.
I'm 35 for cryin out loud, I should have gotten over it by now eh?.
but like all other things trans related, you can only get over it once you realize what it is, and as usual, it took me a while.
I had been wondering what to do with my hair, with transition coming up not too far away anymore, and if I had a choice, I wouldn't subject myself to wearing a wig each day for the rest of my life. For a fun evening out, sure, but the thought of pulling a 16 hour day, or flying across the world staying away for 40 hours doing so, in a frakin wig?!, ugh, please no.
So I come out to my hairdresser, she is totally cool with it, and I tell her that I want to just get a cut which will still be shaggy but androgynous, and which will get it ready for a feminine cut later this year. As usual she completely ignores me (or so I thought at the time), and some pleasant chitchat later, before I know it, I slip my glasses on and I'm looking at Dawn....
.... ok, I looked like crap, no makeup, my face all splotchy still recovering from my last laser session, my hair still super thin cause hormones (and a possible transplant) haven't happened yet... but still.... I caught a glimpse of what I may very well look like, and it was pretty awesome :D.....
she didn't actually cut it very much, but spent more time brushing it out and drying it with some mousse already in it, I got the vague idea of what to do, but like she said, once I'm ready I'm going to get her to give me some proper training in styling, care and maintenance. She's also very looking forward to dying it, and she's going to hook me up for eyelash extensions with her cousin, very low price, lol, I'm all setup.
it's a day later now, and my hair does brush back well and I look like my usual femmy male self as a guy, but with a flip here and a blowdry there, I have this super cute bob haircut, makes my neck look long, frames my face, wow...
best thing of it all?, I loved the whole experience, for the first time in my life, the nerves I felt were just because something new was happening, not because I was scared of getting a cut. I was getting my hair cut for me for the very first time in my life, every other cut has been to be a guy, to look cleaner, make it shorter, etc etc etc, you get the idea. I look at the gorgeous girls working at the salon, all of them completely different styles, different body types even, but they all love their femininity, and make themselves up in a way that you know they love it, and would do it even if there was no one around, this is a big part of who they are..... and that's who I've always been inside as well, and like I told her, I'm going to be able to join her soon....
here's looking forward to my first makeover!!!!
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