Friday, 17 August 2012

I said yes...

Becca asked me a question recently that she hadn't asked me in a long time. Recently, with me floating along on my pink fluffy cloud, there's been alot of discussion on 'where is this all going', 'where am I going to end up', and in all honesty, regardless of my desires, the answers to those questions are all "I dont know".

But she altered the question this time when she asked, this time it was "Do you want to transition?".

I paused, and all the jumbled up thoughts that had been flying through my head over the past few months solidified into a "yes".

I had almost said this to some other friends already over the past few weeks, mainly online people, but it was never this direct, this solid. With them it was more to the effect of "I think I'm going to have to", "I can't see much other choice", but it was always flimsy. With Becca, it was as if saying it to her made it more real, more absolute. I still don't know if I will actually transition, or if I am even healthy enough to (gotta quit smoking....), or if I'll still feel this way in a few months, or if I'll find a more comfortable place as I keep slowly progressing to womanhood and find that I don't have to go all the way, or or or or or or or...... you get the drift.

Its weird though, while things with Becca and I have been getting better lately (we have our rough spells), the speed at which I'm becoming more independent, and more confident as a woman has been really bothering her, she feels that she is missing a solid ground, a base in her life if that makes sense. But after I said "yes" to her, we talked more, we hugged and cried, and then she seemed calmer than she had in a while, and slept like a baby that night, and at least from my point of view, she has been much more relaxed (although very pensive!) about it all since then.

But yeah, I said 'yes', whoah. Therapy starts in 2 weeks, lets see where this goes.....

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