Chasers

In our world, and by that I mean the world, the reality, that trans people live within, there is a group of people called "chasers".... or "tranny chasers" if you want to be crude about it. Predominantly men (at least in my experience), who are attracted to pretty much only trans women, for whatever reasons they may have.

Now, the vast majority (again, in my experience) are fetishistic about us. They aren't interested in actually dating us, they don't want to take us home to meet their parents, they aren't willing to hold our hands while we walk through the city in broad daylight. They hang around tranny bars, eye-ing us as we chat with our friends, then try to awkwardly, and creepily, hit on us, hoping for a quick fuck.

And in all honesty, it grosses me out.

It makes me think of guys who are into *really* big women, they lust after them, want to fuck them, but they don't dare tell anyone about it. Their friends point and laugh at a fat chick and they go along with it, to appear normal, to appear like they are just like everyone else, but when they get home, or are lying in bed jerking off late at night, all they can think of is a great big woman with them. They fuck them in secret, then feel guilty about it, hate themselves. It's a closet like any other when you're attracted to a type of person that society deems "wrong" or "ugly" or "unfavorable"

And us trans women fit the same bill unfortunately for much of society.

So that's the majority of chasers, closeted men, ashamed of their desires, ashamed of what they are attracted to, not able to be honest about what they want... so when I meet someone who actually *is* open about their wants, who is confident enough to be with a woman like me openly and honestly, why does it still turn me off?

In a recent facebook post I briefly talked about this, my statement was that yes I happen to be a trans woman, but I don't want someone being attracted to me simply for that. I want them them to be attracted to me and not care about my trans status. A guy who is an open and honest chaser replied how is that different than someone being attracted to someone for their strength, or their intelligence, or their joie-de-vivre.

He did have a point, or at least I thought so at the time, I've let this whole thing stew in my head for a bit before sitting down to write it out.

Here's the way I look at it. Strength is a desirable aspect, because a person could just as easily be weak. Intelligence is a desirable aspect because a person could just as easily be an idiot. Being trans shouldn't be a desirable aspect because.... well.... it just is, its not an aspect of who the person is, it is simply what the person is. I could be a strong trans person or a weak trans person, a smart one or a stupid one, a happy one or a depressed one, but in all possibilities I am still trans.

Another parallel could be being only attracted to Asian woman, or Black women, you're not primarily attracted to *who* they are, but instead, *what* they are. I see traits such as strength, intelligence, positivity, as who someone is, not what someone is. When the *what* takes precedence over the *who*, that's where I begin to have a problem with the whole thing.

Someone I know and care for deeply used to be a very very big dude, he was happily married to a man for a good number of years, but at one point the big dude simply had to lose the weight, or die. Pretty cut and dry. He did it, worked hard, took care of himself, and dropped half of his body weight in a remarkably short period of time, and what happens?, his husband leaves him, he couldn't find him attractive anymore as a thin guy and couldn't stay married to him. As if *what* he was was more important than *who* he was. And that seriously pisses me off.

What if I ended up with an open and honest chaser, then did the surgery, then went stealth, would they no longer see me as a transsexual thus destroying their own fetishistic attraction to me?. 

If someone finds me attractive and wants to be with me, it has to be for who I am, not what I am. I don't want to be seen as an object, I want to be seen as a person who that person admires and respects. The fact that my history is a little different than most women, and that my body may be a little different than most women, well, I don't want that to matter. Our bodies all change over time, maybe I'll get bottom surgery one day, although right now I have zero interest in it, and if I do, I want the person who is with me to not care one way or another, and only care about the way that I feel about myself.

I want someone to date me, the woman, Dawn.... not Dawn the transsexual.... Dawn the chick "with a little extra"... just Dawn. Strong, intelligent, anxious, paranoid, obsessive, impulsive, creative, competitive, nerdy, fire spinning crazy woman that I am. I'm not a fetish, I'm a person.

and so far, so good