the D word

when I tell people I'm going to be divorced by the end of the week, a lot of them, over half, are happy and congratulatory, some have tried to high five me

and for whatever reason, it stings, it really hurts

yes it has to happen, I guess the earlier the better in some ways, not like there was any hope of reconciliation, and even if there was, I don't want us back, I know it wouldn't work, the people that fell in love with each other no longer exist.... on my side literally

but it makes me sad, really sad, this among other things has kept me holding back tears the past couple of days

no one gets married to get divorced....

Becca and I haven't spoken since the house inspection a few months back now, haven't seen each other. No news, no idea

I do hope she's doing OK

and growing

I've come a long way, and I am doing good, and I have wonderful people around me, supporting me

I was asked today if I was feeling lonely and unloved..... despite the glaring evidence to the contrary.... hehehe.... it's true, I've never had this many open, and positive people around me before in my life

while I've been lucky enough to have all these awesome experiences, it's also been keeping me quite distracted... maybe I haven't dealt with all my loss fully yet

I got married just three short years ago, a beautiful day in all respects, full of hope

and in four short days it'll be officially over, even though its been over for some time now

but there is something final about being in a court isn't there?

I'm not looking forward to this