over

So, I got divorced today...

It was cold, sterile, the waiting room where I went over what was going to be said, the building itself, cold, heartless.

We went through the ritual, stating our identities, why we were here

what she wanted

it didn't take very long in all honesty, a few questions, a few words from Becca explaining why this needed to end

I don't need to write down the words, I'll remember them, how she looked

Plus, that isn't for the public

she went through another great loss just yesterday, and it put things in perspective for me a bit. She is going through so much more than I am right now, this whole thing, it weighs heavier on her. I kept myself calm and soft today, not cold and emotionless, I don't think I would have been able to pull that off, but just tried to keep calm without being happy, you know what I mean.

so I cried on the way home afterwards after I remembered what she looked like on our wedding day.

a girlfriend of mine came with me today, spent the night with me last night, just to be there, she made it bearable. I would have driven myself insane last night if I had stayed alone, probably not even made it in in time.

she has never met Becca, and didn't get to see what she looked like today either, so I was describing her, and that got me thinking, and tearing up, fuck it, I'm allowed to be sad as well

so yeah, my relationship with my ex wife was officially dissolved by a Canadian court of law, that's fucked up, what do they have to do with anything?

I guess I'm still angry a bit

a door closes

take care of yourself Rebecca

love you