Well, it's official!

I am a transsexual.

Well, duuhhhh, no kidding you may say.

But see, its different now, I have been "approved" as an actual transsexual by my therapist, in that, on my next visit, I will have my papers.

I kinda feel like I graduated from something :P

A little over a year ago I had dressed for the first time in something like 2 years, and now I'm 2 short weeks away from getting official paperwork which will empower me to get hormones and surgeries.

Wild stuff.

I hadn't expected to get them this early, although it seems that my therapist would have been ready to give them to me any time (well, after the obligatory 3 sessions that she does to make sure that all of the bases have been covered before providing papers). I asked for them early because..... drum roll please...... I have an appointment at a new clinic which specializes in under represented people (i.e., trans folk, people with HIV, people with psych issues, etc) in order to find out if my system can handle a transition. When i was making the appointment it kind of came across that I already had my papers, and since the lady on the phone seemed quite happy to hear that and that it would make getting an appointment easier, I didn't correct her.

So I didn't mean to ask for them this early, but I've come to realize over the past few sessions that I am ready for them. I'm not starting on hormones right away, but I am ready, and really excited, to get this confirmation of who I am. I know I shouldn't care about things like that, the only persons approval any of us need is our own, but its still pretty cool to have something that I can hold up and say "see, an accredited member of our medical establishment has signed off on me, I'm not crazy!!!". Plus, if I ever have washroom issues where some ultra-con bitch makes a stink about a trans woman being in there, I have something official to show the ignorant authorities (yes I know its not a get out of jail free card, but its better than nothing).

Things have been better, not easy, but definitely better with Becca and me at home. She has a few therapy sessions under her belt now, and we really are living with the constant knowledge that I am going to transition, and its not going to be a long time away either. We still love each other, and still are planning on staying together, she's come to that conclusion with help from therapy, we can't say that we'll make it for sure, but at least we have a direction to travel.

Oh, and I quit smoking. Yup, 23 years of tobaccoo was given up at 4am on Dec 2nd, so its been almost 2 weeks now, and I gotta say it was alot easier than I had thought it would be. Sure it helps that I'm still smoking pot, but I do have good motivation.

See, before I start on hormones, we are going to keep trying to start a family. Once I start, I may still be able to father a child for a short period, but considering we've already tried for 2 years, and that my tests show that my count and viability are both very low, I'm sure that I can just forget about my boys working properly after my first injection. So hopefully the quitting smoking will give me enough so we can have one naturally, but after that, assuming we are still together post my transition, we will have to go with a different route like IVF.

If we do manage to get pregnant, we'll wait a few months to make sure everything is OK with her, and then I'll start early. Yup, we're going to have two VERY hormonal women in the same house, followed by a newborn. And yes I realize we're nuts, that's OK, after what we've been through, we'll handle it.

No big conclusion in this post, life is looking up, the ball is still rolling, and it kind of feels like we are slipping back into a routine, which for a married couple is a good thing. More later

Dawn