Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Procrastinating..... pt 2

Ever since the fallout from my in-laws finding out about me, I've been really procrastinating telling my dad about me.

I mean, its makes senses doesn't it?, 3 out of 4 parental units that have been told have reacted fairly negatively so far, so while my dad doesn't know, it can't be 4 out of 4. The unknown is still keeping me safe.

Here's the thing though, I barely have a relationship with my dad, sad to say, but its true. He doesn't know anything about me, and has never been interested in learning. We've never been able to communicate about anything serious, anything emotional or heartfelt, and while I do enjoy the odd time we spend together (which amounts to 2 or 3 times a year), its very superficial. So if he were to absolutely freak the fuck out and never want to see me again, it wouldn't make that much of a difference in my life, but it would still really suck, after all, aren't parents the ones who are supposed to stick with you through and through?

This past Sunday we had our little Xmas get together before he takes off to Europe with his girlfriend for the holiday season. I had planned on going over to his place for two weeks leading up to this get together for the purpose of telling him about me, and every day I managed to find a reason to not go, and all throughout the evening that we all spent together I kept forcing myself to open up, to start talking, and I just couldn't.

So today I outed myself to him via email, something I hate to do to people who are (should) be close to me, I find it so impersonal, but I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone.

..... still waiting for a response......

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