AMAB / AFAB

These terms started being used maybe a year or two, or at least, that's when I first came across them.

I've never been one for overt politeness, I prefer raw truth, and therefore always had an internal resistance to the whole concept of political correctness. The age that I am, I saw this phenomenon in my mid teens and how it galvanized people into groups, either for, or against.

Recently, I heard / read / something which stated that political correctness isn't about whitewashing ideas or words, it's about accuracy, an accuracy that many people can't see, or don't want to, it's easier using the terms we were raised with after all, be damned those who have problems with it.

AMAB / AFAB means Assigned Male / Female At Birth

First time I heard it, I admit, I rolled my eyes.... oh sheesh.... why do we trans people have to be so picky about everything, c'mon. If you were born male, you were born male, yes transitioning into female is true, and accurate, but fuck, admit it, you were born a boy.

I see it in a different light now

I've mentioned before, if not here, then in speaking with others, how the longer that I spend as myself, I come to realize, that I was never actually a boy, never a man, never male.

This knowledge has been gleaned from becoming closer to women, being allowed deeper into their circles of trust, hearing their stories, drawing parallels to my own feelings. Yes I was socialized male, but I never took that socialization to heart, it never stuck. As I started dating men as my new true self, I also came to realize, more and more, that I was never one of them

Yeah, I have a lot of insider information that cis women don't have, but it doesn't mean that I was ever one of them.

My old name was used on Friday, that shitty day, and it cut me to the bone. Telling Andrea about this later that evening, she commented on how even though that is no longer me, it still is part of my past, part of my reality, and while it may hurt, I should acknowledge that.

No I said, it never was part of my reality, I know this now. I've always been Dawn, whether or not the world has seen or accepted that.

My old name was part of the assignment I received at birth. A child was born, the child had a penis of appropriate size for a newborn infant, and simply to that quirk of birth, she was assigned male. Along with that assignment came a male name, a male upbringing, male socialization, and a constant hammering from the world that I was male.

But it was never true, it was never me, never who I was meant to be.

No wonder the suicide rate for trans people is so terrifyingly high

My old name is a vestige of that mistake that society forced upon me, as is my bone structure which was allowed to develop through a testosterone fueled puberty, my lower voice, my larger hands which give me trouble buying nice bracelets

It fills me with joy now that children who were mal assigned have the chance (and still only if they're lucky) to not be forced to go through that, the false puberty, the wrong path. If only I had been born 25 years later, but that was not my path

AMAB is not a term to whitewash anything, to ignore reality, it is, in fact, the most accurate description of a trans persons history possible. This isn't political correctness, this is truth, confusing yes, unusual perhaps, but truth, absolute, undeniable, truth

I was born female, but assigned male, and it took me 35 years to shed that

nothing more

nothing less