I think I pass a lot better than I thought I did...
.... did that make sense?, lol
it's either that, or people seriously do not give a damn about me being trans. Maybe I look good enough, or act "ladylike" enough, or whatever enough in their eyes that my presence isn't jarring to their reality and they can accept me as a woman. I know for a fact that there are a lot of trans women out there who will get gawked at, glared at, and if they are seen in a bathroom by the wrong woman, oh boy.... don't need to describe the bad stuff that can happen there.
Yet I've been in a bathroom alone, with a father waiting outside for his little girl who is in the same bathroom as me, the mom came in to see if she was OK and tried to open my stall instead, didn't flinch at all when my almost 6' frame came out smiling.
I know that I don't pass face to face, we've been through that before the last time I talked about this subject, yet even face to face, at the check out, I barely even get that slight widening of the eyes anymore when they 'see' me anymore, if I don't have to use my voice at all, I think I pass completely to half of them....
do I really pass that well?
do people not care enough about people around them to notice that I'm ... different?
does every single person clock me immediately and simply no longer care?
will I ever know?
that's the killer with passing.... you never really know. You may think that you pass 100% and that no one has ever clocked you, but can you live with the idea that maybe a whole bunch of them are, and they just don't care?.
It's a fun mind experiment to play....
Another thing i'm going to be getting done in the next short while is voice training, I've got the soft gay feminine voice going, and it serves its purpose face to face to not jar too much with the way that I look, but on the phone, it just doesn't work, which is going to be an issue at one point. I don't mind people knowing that I am a transsexual woman, but at the same time, I don't want to have to explain every time that I talk to someone on the phone that yes, I am Mrs, not Mr, ugh.
And now, just because we're talking about passing, I'll leave you with my new favorite picture of myself :D
I can't wait to see what the hormones are going to do for me :D, I've been told by Becca's therapist, as well as my own, and my new doctor, that I am very lucky already with my naturally femme features (never knew I had those when I was a boy.. explained a lot), and that I should be really happy with how I turn out. Gawd I hope they're right, I tell myself that even if I don't improve at all from how I look now I'll be fine with that, but hey, a girl can dream can't she?
muah, till next time
No comments:
Post a Comment